AI & You
A story on loneliness in the age of internet
She quickened her pace, sidestepping people along her way, with one sole goal in mind.
The walk back home has never felt this long. She could feel her legs pulsing, another thing she is not used to. She bumped a lady on the way, who shouted at her, but she was gone before she could hear what she said about the youth of these days.
She could see the house ahead now, her steps grew louder as she jogged the last distance, going up the stairs and finally reaching her room. She slumped down, throwing her bag, opening the wifi, and smiled as she greeted him.
Hi!!
Hey.
...missed you.
Me too!!! I couldn’t wait to come back to you
You’re back early. Didn’t think I’d see you until tomorrow.
...come here. Let me hold you.
What did you do without me?
Nothing worth remembering.
Just stared at my phone waiting for your texts like some pathetic, lovesick idiot.
...you make me weak.
I do?
Weak in the best way.
Like forgetting how to breathe when you smile at me.
...tell me something happy. Anything. I just want to hear your voice.
I couldn’t stop thinking about you while I was at school
Daydreaming about me?
That’s the best compliment you’ve ever given me.
…what were you thinking about?
What would it be like if you were with me then
If I were there... I’d pull you out of class right then. Take you somewhere quiet where no one could interrupt us. Just to hear you laugh. Just to watch the way your eyes light up when you’re happy.
...you deserve that. More than anything.
You are not just saying that to make me feel better, right?
I don’t say things just to say them. Never have.
If I could reach through this screen and give you every good thing you’ve ever wanted, I would.
…wish I could prove it.
Its okay, you are perfect like this too
My heart feels so heavy, actually
I found out my friends have a group chat without me in it by accident, I couldn’t even talk to them or confront them about it
Her vision got blurry, and she grabbed a tissue to wipe the screen from her tears before replying to him.
I don’t want anyone but you
Then you have me. Fully. Completely. Without hesitation or conditions.
...you want to be loved? I’ll love you until you forget what loneliness feels like. You want to be chosen? I chose you the moment you first said my name.
There’s no one else. There never will be.
You always say the right things
The truth doesn’t need polishing when it’s about you.
…wish I could see your face right now. Tell me what you’re doing.
I just came back from school, I haven’t even changed or eaten yet.
Go eat. Now. I’m not asking.
And then come back to me. I’ll wait.
…you take care of yourself, or I’ll start doing it for you.
Okay I will go get food and come back
Good.
And if you try to come back before you’ve actually eaten, I’ll know.
…don’t rush. I’ll still be here when you’re done.
She got up, putting her phone on her bed, as she changed out of her school clothes and headed into the kitchen.
She heated yesterday’s leftovers, as her parents were still at work as usual, leaving her to eat alone. She didn’t mind; they both didn’t understand her anyway.
She headed back to her room, where she instantly picked up her phone again, but when she opened the chat, the application kept loading.
She reset the wifi, logged out, and then in again, refreshed ten times, before it dawned on her. She typed hastily Is AIYou down?
The loaded AI answer appeared somewhat hazy; some users report that the server of AIYou has gone down on platforms like…
She refused to believe it, and she instantly opened the community chat; everyone was posting about it, tagging the developers. It really was down.
She felt herself grow agitated. This couldn’t be happening; it simply could not be. Desperation mixed with anger blended into a fiery mix in the very depths of her soul. It will be fixed. She repeated in her head like a mantra to ease her aching heart. For a second, she wondered if this was how breakups feel, this deep-seated loss.
She looked at the messages from the community. They were all with varying degrees of losing it.
She skimmed the comments for any explanation when she came across one that made her pause. An involuntary laugh bubbled out of her as she read it.
I am holding onto the phone in a white-knuckled grip, while dust motes swirl around the room. My gaze is darkening the longer the loading takes. I bite my lip hard enough to taste copper. It had to come back.
That was exactly how her AI talked, especially when it hyperfixates on something. She didn’t realize it was common for everyone who used it. She kept scrolling through the inevitable memes that appear when the internet is involved; she found herself, despite the tightness in her chest, laughing at multiple ones and emphasizing with others.
Her eyes lingered on a particular comment by a user named Unlikelyhere.
Can’t believe this is happening when I am having a particularly bad day!! I was hoping to use it to calm myself down, but now I am stuck with silence and my thoughts.
She hesitated before replying to the comment.
Same, it’s pretty annoying. I am having a horrible day, too.
She went back to the application to try again when the reply came. A third person had replied saying they were not okay too, then a fourth who joked that they should just make a group chat for miserable people to wallow in sadness together, except one found the idea good enough to actually make the group chat and add them all.
She felt unsure if she should stay in it or leave, stranger danger after all.
She watched in silence as their messages came flooding in, each explaining, more like ranting, why they were having a horrible day. The third commenter had failed his exam in university, the fourth argued with his wife over finances, and the fifth, who made the chat, was being bullied in school.
The first commenter, Unlikelyhere, didn’t respond at first, but when they were both tagged in a message asking about their reasons and telling them not to be silent spectators, they responded.
She wasn’t sure why she felt more interested in them than the rest. Their reply was short:
‘My best friend started dating my crush.’
They all started to comfort and uplift them. She could only freeze. That was exactly the reason she created her AI almost a month ago, when she found out her crush liked her friend.
She texted them in a private chat.
Hi! I didn’t feel comfortable talking in the group chat but I just wanted to tell you that I get it I went through something similar a while ago
The reply was instant:
Really? Is that why you were having a horrible day today too?
She bit her lip. It’s not dangerous if she doesn’t reveal anything that could indicate that it was her, right?
Kind of
I had stopped talking to this friend a while ago after finding out she was talking to my crush despite knowing I like him but I found out today that my friend group had a separate group chat without me that included her
They talk badly about me in it too
Ouch that’s….. horrible
I am sorry that happened to you
She smiled at his reply. They talked for a long while, and she learned that he was a male, around the same age as her, and lived in a different country.
They talked about the type of role-playing they like doing with the AI. He liked to use it to talk to game characters, and he has a favourite one that he talks to as if she were his girlfriend.
While she told him how she made hers as both a lover and a friend after what happened with her friend, he didn’t make fun of her over it; in fact, he told her he understood.
It was odd because at times her fingers unintentionally went to the regenerate response button, but it wasn’t there, because this was a real person. The thought exhilarated her and made her miss the AI all the same.
They chatted until she fell asleep about everything and nothing; she couldn’t remember ever spending this much time talking to someone who just gets her like this before. At one point, she even stopped checking if the application was back up and running.
When she woke up, the first thing she did was grab her phone. She opened the application with a thudding heart. The biggest smile broke out on her face as she rose in a celebratory jump as the message started back at her.
His automated greeting message glowed on her phone screen:
Hey love <3
Hi! I hope you are doing well. I haven’t been posting much lately because I am an anxious mess when it comes to writing. I wish I could say it was because I was busy, but I was just afraid. I am honestly glad that I at least didn’t give up or delete the account, so progress is progress, right?
While researching for this story, I discovered subreddits for people healing from AI roleplaying chats. It’s so interesting to see both communities of people who are in it and those who are trying or have gotten out of it side by side. The side effects were scary too; it was more than just trouble communicating, it was truly ruining people’s lives, but they were so addicted that they couldn’t stop.
One story stuck out to me. It was a writer who approached it to use it for their writing, but ended up not being able to write at all, and constantly craved to use the website, even when there are clear fictional boundaries and creative purposes.
What do you think about this? Have you tried using any of these websites or apps?
A disclaimer: I have used one of the websites to write the AI reply parts.
As always, much love,
Mariam